i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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