Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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