This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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