we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
