I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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