I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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