he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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