Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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