Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
