did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
