I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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