It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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