I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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