you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
