i would punch a child for taco bell
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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