i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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