BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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