Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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