He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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