C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
