I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
