I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can you bring me the toilet please
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
