'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
