Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't deserve a penis
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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