Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
