I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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