Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
