Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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