i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
