Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize