So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
