I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
