At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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