i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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