tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
