thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
