The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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