he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
