Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize