she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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