ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
