I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
