well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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