looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
