When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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