So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
