Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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