meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Randomize
