That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
