I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
