He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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