Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
