I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
