i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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