they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize