I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
