my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize