we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
