I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
