just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
