i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
