dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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