East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
