Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
