dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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