well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize