you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
