walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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