everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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