I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
