Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize