Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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