This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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