You're so nebulous sometimes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
