there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You don't make any sense
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