Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
