just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
