we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
