It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Someone signed my nipple.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
