can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
