A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize