i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
