I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
