Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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