i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
