There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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