I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
