Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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