You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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