i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
