I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
