goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
