i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
