I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
