I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
