I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
