we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
