dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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