The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
