Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
