I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize