i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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