You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i think im in europe. pls send help
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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