How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
