Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
