i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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