I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
ttyl tear gas
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
