Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
