My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
