I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
