She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
