The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I intend to get homeless drunk
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize