I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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