Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
