I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
